I don't want to hold it back again, this pressure inside.

28 November 2009 @ 12:18 am

When i said NO, i meant it.

So. Fuck that my blood related "family" who is 5 years older than me told me to fetch his few years older than me friend whom i have no interest in knowing or talking or whatsoever to do anything with him, i refused. Which also why i speed up a lot when we are in car cuz this is obviously so farking awkward that i do not want to know him, talk to him, see him, or worst, DRIVE HIM HOME. That 45 mins was the worst period of my life. Maybe not worst, worst. Heck. Then its done and i sent him home. ANd guess what? that bastard complained to my five years older than me's family and told him that i am a dangerous driver. Hey. You feel scared please get off the fucking car. I don't drive so-god-damned-dangerously when NOBODY IS IN THE CAR. DAMNIT. I hope those sickening pimples on your face would blow up one by one each time yeu complain about my driving skill. Fcuk your life and fuck you for having such pathetic life. I don't NEED YEU TO GO AROUND TELLING PEOPLE HOW FUCKING DANGEROUS MY DRIVING SKILL AND FYI, NOBODY CARES SO PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP AND DON'T COME TO MY HOMETOWN NEXT TIME. AND IF YOU DID COME I WILL NOT, FOR THE SECOND TIME DRIVE YEU BACK. EVEN IF IT TAKES MY ALREADY FUCKING SHORT LIFE. FUCK YOU. BASTARD. SON OF A BITCH. FUCK THAT YEU KILL MY ENGLISH IN THIS FUCKING INSANE BLOG. FUCK YEU. I AM NOT A PERSON WHO IS SO NICE AND KIND TO HELP PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT IN MY TO-BE-CONCERNED LIST AND YOU ARE OBVIOUSLY IN FUCK-YOUR-LIFE-I-HATE-YEU-TO-THE-CORE LIST.CONGRATS. YOU ARE NOW LABELLED AS A MOTHERFUCKINGSONOFABITCHBASTARD WHO SHOULD BE DEAD BY NOW.

Tags: curse.

Current Mood:

annoyed

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05 November 2009 @ 10:27 pm

Just because i have no idea to put on the topic title, hence HAHAHA will do : ) eikeL!!

I find that when i read some old... (the old i mean here is, no longer as before, old... ) "friends" blog makes me feel offended. Some said about how their new friends treating them like... garbage, some feels so emotional facing their social life here and there, some feel being taken for granted.. and you know what i feel? ~~SERVES YOU RIGHT.~~ GET A LIFE.

If life is only about F.R.I.E.N.D.S. then i would end my life years ago. Because people i thought who were friends got their better friends and they are together happily ignoring me. Just like you can't accept the way i am, people can't accept the way you are. That's what you get, ignorance. Until now yea, my dear old friends, i still think that telling people straight at their face bout what you think is better than keeping the thought in your mind and let it rot for the rest of your life. If i could tell you in 1 minute, why would i make it 1 hour just to tell you that your're stupid? Doesn't that makes you even more dumb?

Emotion.. you need to care about other people's feeling. I care for you, who care for me? Nobody. Even your close friend will think that you're stupid and because you treat her so good she feels guilty telling you stuff.

You know what is the worst part? You feel good doing those things. You feel good that if you don't make a person angry, you wont be hated.
And that is your logic. Which that is something that i will never acknowledge no matter how ignorant you think i am.

Again, get a life. Nobody will correct you when you join the workforce. Your collegue will want you to make more and more mistakes so that she can get that promotion.

My advice, turn over a new leaf and get over that old, superstitious thinking of yours. OF course, you wouldn't want my advice cuz im always opposing your idea of ideal life.

Life is ugly. Yes. You know.

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03 November 2009 @ 10:06 pm

You telling to calm the shit down?

My feeling now writing this post is not feeling pissed. In fact I simply do not have any emotions than anticipating for tomorrow's maggi mee goreng breakfast with my roommate and getting my assignment done. Making me look pissed is one of my uncontrollable actions I have in me. So someone posted my “ugly” picture on facebook and I don’t really mind just that I don’t look quite the “me” in it. So instead of telling that shit to remove the picture politely I have to act like I am super fucking pissed. People who care took me seriously and I am absolutely feel sorry for them. Sorry that I have to put up that idiotic act to make myself look uncivilised and uneducated when I am pursuing degree in one of the growing university in my country. Sorry that I do not want to explain because… well… my nature of not liking to explain things very detailed. You guys can call me a motherfucker who does not appreciate friendships in life or a selfish bitch who only wants all attention on herself only. In fact, I am someone like that. Yea… maybe I do not appreciate you like you expect me to, and it’s not my fault that you are so emotional. I don’t get it that sometimes I am so cold that people are so dumb to feel it. My dear you are not a goddess who could calm a raging cow down. You people don’t have to treat everyone well in hope that someday they will give you back the comfort you gave them.

Expectation is the thing I hated most in my life. I don’t get it why the heck do you need to expect me to do something? Like that bastard stalker. You look at me like you expecting me to give you candy or what? I don’t understand what you want from me. You are making my life so difficult that I have to go through the back door in lecture just to avoid you filthy fucking face. Why the fuck on earth that I did until I have to stuck with you for another 3 years in my degree life. Can’t you just let me live my life alone and stalk me from far away so that I have no fucking idea that you are actually stalking me? Don’t you have any pride in your petty little heart that is hoping the sky to drop cadies jelly pops on you? Even that I blocked you here and there why the fuck can’t you get what I mean? From my observation I can see that you are someone logical and it really did give my brain a struck that you could be so illogical facing people like me. Get a fucking life and stop playing computer games and listen to petty Chinese songs about love and love and love. I wish the Japan could take over Taiwan or china so that people like you would just suicide instead of struggling for something they couldn’t get for the rest of their life that you have to disturb my life cycle. I don’t have much time to live this life so can’t you just let me live like everyday is the last day instead of everyday I-don’t-wanna-see-you-motherfuckingcibaipukimaksonuvabitch-face? Maybe I don’t make it clear for you that I am in fact hate you to the core of your guts.

Now you are making me from i-got-no-emotion to i-wanna-fuck-your-life-and-make-it-END.

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19 September 2009 @ 08:30 am

I'm always impressed and jealous with other people's very-the-high IQ which is like what..? over 200? Wish i was born with that much of a humongous IQ. *sighs* It sucks to y'know... improve your IQ. And mine is like... average of the average = / I know i should thank God for giving me NORMAL IQ rather than having a retarded mind. I'm sure people who are... stupid will be feeling frustrated every time they try to understand simple text that just couldn't get digested by their brain. I'm always getting pissed at myself because.. i am stupid. Stupid is too good for me. And damn it cuz i can't strain my brain that much because of headache = / Coffee helps a lot but too much of it will make me headache. especially when i have some idiot veins stranggling each other in the brain. I was born with twisted brain eh -_-

Finished wathing Death Note 2: L succesor. Or something like that. People with great minds are so kewl. I should stop impressing myself with other people's capability even though i am cmi kind of person!

bloodySky pushhhhhhhhh~!

Ok. Studying time =/ cuz im stupid and cramming sucks. Heck, i AM cramming.

note: cmi = cannot make it.

Current Location: Malaysia

Current Mood:

awake

Current Music: sTarboard Vegas 96 - EP

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30 August 2009 @ 01:53 am

I have no sense of discipline. FML.

Read the title. i'm too busy to even write a post more than 100 words. Heck. Nobody's reading pun. lolz. Here i am.. entertainin myself. FML again.

Current Location: ti ti ti

Current Mood:

busy

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25 July 2009 @ 10:56 pm

Today was impromptu speech. I chose a topic and my friend who has the same surname gave me a creative idea.. only women can be prime minister. I did a good start but my pace drop down eventually and i think it was boring. One thing good about this when i go out there and talk, everyone was looking at me. I thought... this is it. I want attention.. i want people to look at me, and i got it. The weird part is, when i was standing there, i could talk, slowly and clearly and really hope everyone understands me and when i finished my speech, my legs were....shivering. God damn. So glad i didn't shiver when i was standing out there -_-
Anyhow, i write this post is only because i want to thank that person for giving me a creative idea ;D THANK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU mwakx. LOL.

Current Mood:

relieved

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21 July 2009 @ 12:23 am

Shouldn't be over.

It's the 8th week already. Time flies like there's no tomorrow and here i am trying to fill up my blog while doing my calculus tutorial, listening to Secondhand Serenade =.= and Linkin Park lolz

So.. shit happened that I screwed my external hdd badly LOL. Why ah?! No more songs and anime and drama -_-; wtf. God wants me to learn programming more. Almost all the midterm is over, that i still have programming midterm and practical test next week, which i dunno what to do now. Scored badly in programming lolz. They say practise more... i practised, and i failed, and i got accused for lack of practise. lol. So clever. I dunno. Maybe my right brain that works all the logical things is spoilt that's why. Must be so... cuz i practised so much and still get crap result -_-; Guess i need another 5214151948912741 times of hard work more than anyone else.

I've changed. I think. I don't feel pissed when i'm supposed to. But sometimes i get pissed when i'm not supposed to. I try to look at things at an angle that can make me laugh instead of getting enraged and curse like someone raped me. lol. Ok.. that's pretty much too exaggerated.

Assignments.... I wanted to solo, but i figured out there's too much for me to do. So what the heck? I'm gonna be the one who will be editing the whole thing. And it's stupid to solo when you got another few people who think that your engRish is better so you "do everything lah". Makes me wanna chop their head off and sew their lips tightly. English bad noneed to do ah? Foundation is not everything la pls. See what happened to you when you take foundation life and degree life combined together and you think your history will repeat. Yeah.. it did repeated, you're getting isolated and STILL think that the earth rotates for you.

To huiyan... if you read this.. your blog is too depressing. Im getting emo reading it. Write something happy for yourself.
To lina... update pls?
To ROBU-chan!!!!! *hugs* : D
To others who comes here once in a blue moon, you're visiting the wrong site : )

Current Location: hostel lor

Current Music: Runaway - Linkin Park

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07 July 2009 @ 12:02 am

3 months... and i ain't a sober.

( You are about to view content that may not be appropriate for minors. )

Tags: mof0.

Current Location: hostel -_-

Current Mood:

sleepy

Current Music: angin kipas

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14 June 2009 @ 05:11 pm

You don't exist. Get off my life.

Current Mood:

sleepy

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02 June 2009 @ 08:53 pm

Fuck you lor. nabeh.

Everyday, every single minute i will hear the word kampar kampar kampar. I'm starting to hate the school, the lecturers, and the cipai students. And the cipai hostel with NO cipai internet connection and i had to rely on my housemate to go online for me. Life is not really a honeymoon for me there as what you see in tv. It sucks. College/uni life sucks so much. Everyday i wake up and don't even looking forward for lectures. Every night i sleep by hoping tomorrow never comes. Every single minute i wonder how the heck 3 years going to be gone. Every seconds i'm looking for free days to go back hometown and hug my Pc. Now that i already have one crappy lappie i still want to go back hometown. I suck so much i wonder if others see me as a sucktard? ANd every single milisecs i wanted to scold "motherfuckersonovabitch" at everyone i meet in lectures. Even the cipai lectures notes need to be downloaded from the cipai intraPUKInet. For you mama's placenta's sakes can you please print out and make a photocopy for everyone since we paid you so fucking much you cipai greedy bastards? Nabeh. Bullshits about "freedom comes with heavy responsibility". Eat my shits lor. Sumore the cipai car pack so fucking limited made me walk 2 km even with car. Kanasai. Everyday i go lecture also must go 20 mins earlier otherwise no parking. Kanasai lor tmd nabeh pkmccbbbqccn. At lecture also got cipai chinese chinese girl talking behind me. Nabeh want to sleep then sleep la why tell ppl you wanna sleep. You sohai or want to get fucked wor? Second day nia got assingment. If solo i can do now, but this is a cipai group assignment lor. Sumore need to follow what's group you're in tutorial classes. Kanasai lor. Need to check this and check that on the internet ourselves. You think i so free ah. Sumore 1st week only and your fuckedup lecture class got 300~400 peeps from 3~4 diff course with 1st and 2nd sem students. You people got logical mind or not? Made me feel so fucking lost and don't know wtf to do next. Wtf is wrong with the school? Make me feel so stressed even before the exam and only after TWO DAYS of schooling. Why so suck? What's so good with college life?! Are you people stupid or i'm the only noob here?

Tags: cipainess

Current Mood:

stressed

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24 May 2009 @ 04:49 am

To go or not to go.. that's not a choice -_-

School again! After staying at home sitting in front of the pc and never have to go out to work, i'm going back to school! Only this time, it'll be 3 years and a pathetic hostel-alone adventure =/ I don't really sound as excited i am in my 1st sentence! I hate it. There's gonna be lots of dramas and gossiping like you see on tv and i'll probably will have tons of things to blog about, in other word, hate posts. : (

This sucks. I should've chosen another school. Going there is too convenient, i mean... TOO convenient. And you'll get to see loads of familiar faces around the campus and try to smile but the opponent refuse to return your smile and gives you a wtf-kind of look. People only get friendly when they're selling insurance =.= In this country, when you smile to a stranger and she'll run to the police station.

Instead of "anticipating" i'm more to "don't think bout it". Sighs. Wanna get a lappie asap to play SA and kill my boredom. I just wish there's no p2p user in my hostel -_- But they're all girls, they won't be doing gaming right....... まさかね。。。?

Whatever it is. I hope i stop reading ppl's blog to fill my life. It's blank now. People are leaving me or should i say, they weren't there since the beginnning? I realise something that i should had looooooooooong time ago. Man... why am i so stupid believing friends exist, at least the one you thought were.

I guess the only people who are your friends and will not ever ditch you is your family.

p/s: I notice that all my blog posts are always posted around 4~5 in the morning yo! It's as if i'm living in the west country ; D

Current Mood:

sleepy

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17 May 2009 @ 04:39 am

laughing my ass aff. LMAO.

For fuck's sakes. Don't be a wimp.

Unhappy? Tell me about it. Almost the whole world is not satisfied with whats going on. I can't help it but to comment and critisize people. I just couldn't sit down and shut my mouth. But .. I did shut my mouth already, that's why im writting it here... with my eyes closed. ;D So, people read, people shut the fuck up ; )

Hate me? NOBODY CARES. Stop talking to me? I don't really give a fuck about it now. I don't care if i go the rest of my life FRIENDLESS. I rather be alone than reading your expression and sweating about what i have said.

Oh fuck life. People making people's life more difficult. I guess somebody is being right that people are more concerned about how they're being judged.

Current Mood:

sleepy

Current Music: FM yokohama 84.7 Mhz ;D

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25 April 2009 @ 02:17 am

Maybe Someday...

Ok I am a... useless human who does nothing to contribute to the world/family. But i want to travel before school starts. And i want to go kl see my bro's dog (my bro see no see also same) and go sg to eat macha ice cream. Mom's so damn busy with those cubes and those fucked lau ees and she won't bring me go kl or sg and she also doesn't let me go alone. She sucks. I know it's no good to critic your own mom on the internet where strangers can read but who gives a shit. But going sg gives me second thought these days -_-; It's just sucks to look at mika's angry/pissed face lol. SO UGLY CAN? And it somehow pisses me off. Makes me feel like i'm her living debt when i'm there lol. I hope she doesn't read this. And tomi's gf LOL. I cannot predict her behaviour lar can? sho farnee. *slaps*
Atashi tada ryokou ikitai dake noni~!!!!!!!!
LOL I POSTED TO some community's page accidentally =_=;;

Current Mood:

exhausted

Current Music: Maybe Someday - JYONGRI

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18 April 2009 @ 04:09 am

Aa~ anata no koe ga tooku naru...... tooku tooku.....

I'm tired and wanting to sleep but just couldn't get to see lalaland so easily -_- Why even my sleep is playing me like the fucked up stpm situation?! Anyways talking about universities and the fucked up result is depressing so let's just not talk about it for a day.

Life is unfair in some part even though i did badly for the past 18 years i still think everything is fair and square to me and i can't blame nobody for my failure. It sucks when the fact that ... is in fact a fact that I am lazy and stupid. It's a bad pairing, I KNOW OKAY?! I'm still bothered with what course i should go with -_- Jeice was right that i shouldn't go uni for my parents expectation. I should take the course i really want to take. I shouldn't be blinded by the degree college university stuff ;( I'm regretting -_- Should have gone to college and take double major only to decide where to go! Why malaysian education system so fucked up that it even involving the mighty me?!

I can't decide MOM. I CANT DECIDE DAD. Even though im already 18 im still crying for your guys' warmth and being a baby girl who needs to be fed on time and showered with love all days and night! I can't grow up so soon! All i've been thinking is getting a degree and start being a member of the society after that! I thought things get nasty only after that! But why am I feeling so pathetic now?! Why am i being emo? Am I afraid of growing up or what? The ship i put on sail won't go so smoothly and i don't know a heck of controling it! I'm so alone now and i don't even care of having a companion with me ....probably because i'm a afraid of they turn their back on me.

Once again I'm have this feeling of afraid to be turned down, looked down, and ignored when i'm enrolled in the new school next month. And having the fact that it's a private school makes me feel so small ;( I'm scared lor can. So fucking scared and already planned where to go if nobody talks to me! Please talk to me even though i have that scary/unfriendly face on me! I am just shy =/

It's just suck to be alive and so pathetic to die so soon. I would have live a better life if i was born genius godamnit.

Current Location: ...

Current Mood:

sleepy

Current Music: Will - SunMin

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16 April 2009 @ 01:17 am

futsuni ikiru futsuni shinu; you live normally, you die exactly the same way : )

When i'm calm i cannot write things. Now that i'm older, and a little bit wiser, after getting pissed off i quickly cool down in 5 minutes. This might be a good news to me, or people around me cuz i can cool down faster when i snapped suddenly. Just a thought. Heck, here and there i've been listening to friends whinning, mom's sudden burst and my own pathetic headache/migraine that occur when im off-guard but i'm still okay! I learnt that I am more comfortable this way, as in, getting pissed -> cooling down process. I guess this is why i get headache! So.. cut all the crap! Nobody cares and reads it anyway. I understand that but i still want to pretend there's a lot people i know reading this lol wtfbbq.

No.. I can't write things when there's nothing special happening in my life when i am slacking everyday at home doing nothing (even house chores) which my mom happens to nag me everyday for not cleaning my OWN room since CNY lol. YES. CHINESE NEW YEARS. FOUR BLOODY MONTHS AGO. Seriously, I am so lazy... or too genius that i foresee no reason to clean up my room. Anyways, my room looked like it has been hit by tornado or something disastrous lol. Why can't i spare an hour or two for the room when what i have now is TIME? It's still a mystery to me... UFO CAME TO SEE ME and crap.

Speaking of my room, I'm still looking for room in kampar. Yeah crap that i have failed physics...accidentally? Alright? I DID NOT MEAN TO REALLY FARKING FAIL THAT PAPER DAMNIT. Put that aside, Me, passing my chemistry is almost a miracle! I never told anyone that.. just show off my PASSED chemistry grade to people. But it shoots me in the head that how come i can pass chemistry with my objective paper holding a C- and i couldn't pass my physics with objective paper holding F. Craps right? They should had gave me my C damnit. All these failing papers with on-the-edge grades made me lost my only chance to local uni. Whoo---. Dad's dream gone. Mom's too. Mine too. I am the person who's feeling way farking more dissapointed in myself than you guys alright? I'm already making myself feel so bad that i've lost about.... TWENTY..........grams. Fullstop. And thanks to the failed paper, I FAILED TO GET MINIMUM pointer of two point zero. ( I typed out the whole number thingy so that people don't get to see this blog while they google for what-to-do-if-i-failed-stpm stuff ;D) So.......now...... UTAR is the only ...... place to go ................. fuck you...............and i didn't even get the first two choices..................sonuvabi*tuuuuuuuuttt*.....

Sorry. I was talking about room in kampar lol. I'm still looking for cheap, big, ~~can be fucked~~, affordable and near to college/uni room/house for rent. I am... also a stereotype people lor can? I'm not rich ~~and i have 2 dogs to feed, 5 hamster to look after, 4 tortoise that shit in the house garden,~~ but i just want a comfortable room, walking distance to convenience store (they don't have 7/11 in kampar like those in japan where you can buy Obento and onigiri everyday :( ) and restaurant! IS THAT BAD? IS THAT REALLY BAD? AM I CONSIDERED RICH IF I STAY IN A ROOM ALONE PAYING 10% MORE THAN THOSE WHO PARTNER WITH SOME STRANGERS ~~WHO FART AND SNORE~~ FOR CHEAPER RENT? I don't think so. I just want a private area where i can have my own privacy ~~to dig my nose~~. But, shit happens. I'm not going to sound offensive but i, myself, would, really, terribly, patheticly, prefer to stay in one room alone. I cannot sleep comfortably with someone inside the room that i'm even having problem if my sis comes back to sleep with me. Maybe all these just sound like a stupid excuse to you people (no? but i sound like it to me lol), but i really appreciate having my own room in some stranger's place i'm going to hang around for three [insert curse] years.

I have not finish crapping but i'm bored with crapping here already. So BYE ~~suckers~~.

Current Location: lol.

Current Mood:

enraged

Current Music: Yume wo mikata ni - AYAKA

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23 March 2009 @ 12:51 am

I feel terrible. Can't change the fact i failed physics and cgpa can't even reach 2.0. Couldn't accept the fact that I fucking failed my life. At this point, at this moment i feel so fucked up and pissed. Feel so lonely alone here hesitating and frustrating about what to do next and no one's here with me telling me its going to be okay. Why are you sleeping and not helping me?

Current Mood:

sad

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17 March 2009 @ 11:30 pm

泣くないよ。。。しっかりして。。元気出して！
please don't cry.. please don't cry..... please don't cry.. please don't cry ;(

please don't cry :'( You promised yourself you won't cry so easily.... you promised yourself you won't cry until you bedridden.. you can't cry now... you can't break down now.. please be strong... please...

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11 March 2009 @ 06:44 pm

まいたな。。。！

Don't feel like choosing what course. Don't feel like leaving house. Don't feel like leaving my comfortable pace. Have to agree and admit I am stupid for having a F in the result slip. Shouldn't had crammed. Should had slept and not worry cuz its gonna be F anyways. HaHa. God tells me i have ZERO talent to be an engineer. I love your answer. Better.

Tags: you think stpm is fun huh!

Current Mood:

discontent

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10 March 2009 @ 04:40 am

こんなこと。。。

やっぱりわかてないな。。。　いまさらなにをこわいかな。。。？もう　あと六時間って　なにをするべき？
そ。。各号もできています。　も、　いいよ。
あたし　も　泣きませんよ。　これは　自分　が　きめたことから。

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06 March 2009 @ 11:04 pm

I cooked myself a maggie mee goreng today, again =.=

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